Miscarriage Blues

It was a cool autumn night in October. I rode my bicycle down to the local drugstore to buy the dreaded pregnancy test. I looked for something cheap, but dependable. I went for the moderately priced option grabbed a bag of chips and headed for door (after paying of course).

I returned home and ran into the bathroom. I opened the box, peed on the appropriate part of the stick and waited. When the results came in I was shocked.

One blue line. . .I was pregnant.

I cried at first, scared for what lay ahead for me and my unborn progeny. Eventually I came out of the bathroom, told my boyfriend the news and never looked back. Sure we were working full time and barely getting by, but this was a miracle. We couldn't let that go to waste.

I read up on pregnancy, book after book. I went out shopping for maternity clothes, picking out names, and even began talking to my baby. One day I started to bleed. Nothing major, but still. I had not seen anything of my period for three months and right away I was nervous. I was still in the process of getting my medical insurance and could not simply run off to visit an OBGYN.

The bleeding got worse and worse. One morning I woke up and felt strange. My rosy complexion was gone and was replaced by a painful cramping sensation. I began to bleed profusely. The ER doctor asked if I was going through a pad an hour, I told her it was more like four to five.

I won't lie, it sucked. Between the pain and the blood all I could do was think about my child. I was crying the entire time I was in the ER. It turned out I had a "spontaneous abortion", the medical term for a miscarriage. I left the hospital feeling empty.

Ladies, miscarriages are normal and what's worse, they're common. I don't know exact statistics, but the percentages are high. Go to a doctor early and often. If you feel something weird or uncomfortable, bring it up to your OBGYN. I know many people, including doctors, refer to pregnant women as neurotic. No one knows your body better than you. Bug your gyno if you have to, that's what you're spending your hard earned money on. Ask questions and get information from a variety of sources other than just your personal physician. Talk to friends and family. Research information online and in text. Many books are brilliant guides to pregnancy that may even be more comforting than your doctor ever could be.

In the end there was nothing I did or could have done to avoid my miscarriage. If you have had one, you know. Although you feel you should be to blame, you're not. Certain things are not meant to be. Don't lose heart. Take time off if you need to or jump right back on that horse (figuratively speaking). Consult your doctor if you need advice or reassurance.

I was advised to halt any baby making plans I had for at least three months after my miscarriage. For others, it may take longer. Again, this is my story; I am in no position to dispense accurate medical information. My first pregnancy ended abruptly and regrettably. It may have started out as a challenge, but it was one that I grew to love and was ready to take on. I miss my baby. But the winds have changed, Fate she is once again on my side. I have served my three month sentence and am proud to say that I am pregnant once more.

Risky? Perhaps.

Worth the gamble? No question.

Status report to follow...